what does "grown up" really mean?

I always wondered what it would feel like to be a grown up...what it would be like to be out there, self-sufficient and adventurous.

There are many questions to ponder the idea of adulthood when you think about it. What defines a grown up? Is it graduating from high school/college? Turning 18 or 21? Getting married? Voting? Having a career? Having the ability to travel? Buying a house? Having kids? Having grand-kids?

I think this is one of the conundrums 20 and 30-somethings often feel. We leave school and our teen years, and we start the search to find ourselves. We search for meaning. We search for purpose. We search for careers and lifestyle changes and a chance to figure out what we believe. While searching for and chasing these things, time passes much more quickly than we realize. We wake up and realize that years have passed and we're getting old.

Birthdays, for me at least, seem to bring a moment of reflection. I look at myself and my peers and wonder how we got to where we are. When did we finally become grown up?

Since becoming an adult (and by adult, I mean the agreed-upon American age of adulthood), I feel like I've done a lot. I worked and studied hard and graduated from college. I had roommates. I got married. I started a career I was passionate about. I lived in several cities, states, and even countries. I had a pet. I taught and mentored hundreds of young people and even some adults. I studied (though I haven't quite mastered) other languages. I traveled and met new people and owned my own business. I took pictures and I wrote blogs.

Despite all that, I still don't quite feel like a grown up. I don't feel like I have it all together. In fact, I look at my parents and in-laws and other well-grounded adults in my life and realize that sometimes I feel like a complete mess.

Talking to other peers, it seems that many of them don't feel grown up either. Mind you, these are adults. Adults who are responsible and well-educated, married, and/or have children and families of their own. But they still don't feel grown up.

I wonder if we ever will. Will we look down on our grand-kids someday and finally feel like we've reached that sense of adulthood? When we retire from the careers we worked hard at for 30+ years? When we celebrate 25 or 50 years of marriage? When we notice the wrinkles on our hands and faces? When we look back at our memories? Will it just hit us one day, like a truck, out of the blue?

Or...maybe it's okay to not feel like a grown up yet and to realize that there's plenty left awaiting us. That we're still changing and we may never find ourselves for the singular reason that we are always changing and evolving and adapting.

Another year has passed and I still don't have the answers to these questions. I wonder if I ever will. Maybe that will be the moment I finally feel I've finally grown up.

thankful thursdays - ink and karaoke

I'm finally getting the tattoo I've been planning for more than a year (more on that later), and we went to Hirosaki to do a patch test to make sure I'm not allergic to the ink. The town is beautiful and we can't wait to go back next week for the real thing!

93. A successful prick test that means Celiac won't stop me from getting my tattoo!

94. Puppy haircuts!

95.1 Celebrating our birthdays...

95.2 ...with some awesome friends! We had so much fun that we were still singing and dancing all the way to the parking lot...

may turns the big 3-0

May, May, May…

I don’t even know where to begin. I could write about when we met (biology, McQueen) or when we became friends (listening to “Rockabye” on the way to and from that youth conference in Sparks, which at that point, seemed SO far away) or even the times we visited each other in Santa Barbara and Folsom and Fayetteville and Seattle. I could detail the future plans we have to visit each other in South Africa and Japan or the plans we are making for our “sisterchicks” vacation in 12 years. I could reminisce about the times we have commiserated over school and family and friends.  I could even wax poetic about all the big decisions we had to make over the years, many of them coincidentally occurring at the same time. Our “big” moves to Fayetteville and Seattle and then our even bigger moves to Misawa and Capetown. Our frequent talks on the phone about visas and customs forms and passports, where one of us calmed the other down, only to switch places the next day. Those days I thought I would collapse from the stress, only to feel better knowing that you were facing the same situation and that I wasn’t alone. Yes, I could talk about a lot of the memories I have, some ancient past and others more recent.

Instead of writing about all of those things, though, I decided instead to write about how I feel about all of those things. Despite moving all over the world, changing jobs, graduating, making and losing new friends, our friendship has been one of the few constants in my ever-changing world. I always know that even if we haven’t talked in a while, you are my best friend and sounding board and venting buddy and prayer warrior and fellow world-traveler. I know you’re only a skype call (or facebook  chat) away and that I’ll soon have a two hour conversation with you that will inadvertently make us both laugh, cry, and then laugh again at our crying.

I feel so lucky to have been a significant part of your first 30 years and am excited to continue in that role during the next 30.

Happy birthday, friend.

age never stops

So the birthday was awesome. We had a bar-b-que and pretty much just hung out the whole night. I think I talked about most of it on myspace, so if you find that this is just not enough detail for you, you know where to find it! In addition to having all of my favorite people in attendance, I happened to receive several GREAT gifts. My parents got me a used washer and dryer, which were much-needed. You never think of that as something that you really need until you no longer have one. I also got a baseball bat (for the purposes of self-defense, since I am a single young woman living in an apartment. I wanted a gun, but what can ya' do.) ;) I was also given a Peter Gabriel greatest hits cd (which is a great album-you should get it)...and I got a bunch of movies, including Cool Runnings, Top Gun, and So I Married an Axe Murderer.

Speaking of Cool Runnings, I'm going to visit the beautiful land of Jamaica in 6 days!! I can't wait. We'll be visiting several locations, including the forested town of Ocho Rios. I hear there is a waterfall we can climb; talk about Caribbean adventure.

So I'll be gone for two weeks, but I will have tons of pictures to show ya'll when I get back. Have a lovely rest-of-the-month.

getting old

21

my birthday was good

went to see the 'rents

my dad had fun at the indy 500

i didnt get to drive the corvette afterall

(he took it with him)

i feel so old now..